Communion

So I went home because my school gave us a one week break. They call it a study break but they and I know no studying will be done. On Sunday it was my cousin's communion. Don't know what that is but I had to go. I missed the communion but I had made it to the after-party, if that is even the proper term for it.

I made it a point to go in there not being shy and to socialize. At best I was pretending to be confident. I did a pretty good job of it, but this one girl still saw through my racket. She said I come across as shy and I confessed, but conversation carried on as normal. Until she said how she liked submissive guys, that gave way to a short awkward silence. She told me she was 17 and turning 18 and that I should come to her party this Saturday. I told her she wasn't old enough for everything, I hinted at drinking legally. I had to hint because children were around. She told me she was old enough for most stuff. Then she asked me for my facebook, I tried stalling. Not that I didn't want to give it to her, it's that I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. I have this problem where I don't remember peoples names after meeting them only once, and the bad thing about it is that her facebook account has a silly nickname.

Anyways after awhile into the party she got out of her seat and told me my fly was open. And it had been that way the entire time. She just didn't want to embarrass me in front of everyone so she waited until most people left the room or were busy with other people. I hope she didn't see my hula girl boxers, and I hope she didn't get the wrong idea.

Mississippi Dialect

"Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer"
-Rita Mae Brown

So I decided sometime ago that I wasn't going to wake up one day feeling confident. And women weren't going to magically fall out of the sky and into my life. So I joined one of those online dating websites to help my confidence and meet women. I never really used it because you had to buy a subscription to do anything significant on there, like actually chat with women. I didn't want to pay money to meet women when there are so many of them walking around. Anyways, sometime later I get 3 email notifications of 3 messages in my inbox from 3 different "girls" on this dating website. For simplicity and fear of being sued I will not mention the website or the user names of these "girls".

The first message from one "girl" read(i have x'ed out any identifying information):

Write to me...
Do not loose chance to date with woman
of your dreams...smile...
OK if some seriously I am first time here.
I just liked your profile and want to know you better.
I am a simple woman: like all kinds of activities,
flowers, sport, some romantic...
Write to me to my e-mail address:

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx@YAHOO.COM

I think it would better to both of us to write to each other via e-mails. I am waiting for your letter and pic if you could at my e-mail so we could begin our dating. I have only real intentions in dating.
I do not see a reason to worry about age, distance, or race in looking for a really good male for life.
Anyway I am waiting for your replay soon.
bye for now

...okay so "she's" a FOB, "she" doesn't write in english all that well, neither do I, for all I know "she" speaks it fluently. Before I responded I wanted to read the other messages. This was the second one:

You received this letter yesterday? I wait your answer to the email. - I do not know what to write in the first letter to you. I shall tell just your structure to me has seemed interesting. Today I shall remove the Add. Therefore write on mine email address. If I shall be interesting to you, then write to me on my email - xxxxxxxxxxxx on yahoo com (xxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com). As soon as you answer me, I will send you my picture. I shall be send you my picture therefrom. So I am waiting for your reply impatiently...

...again not going to hold it against a person for being a FOB. I then read the final message. I should tell you that the two "girls" mentioned so far did not have a profile picture. But the third "girl" did. She was a white lady from Jackson, Mississippi. Her message was:

Hello! Long wandering on a site, I have seen your profile and it has liked me. I think, that you that man whom I search. But that we could learn more about each other to us it is necessary to continue dialogue. But I think, that on a site at us it it will not turn out and consequently I would like, that you have written to me on mine email (xxxxxxxxx (at) yahoo (.) com). I will wait for your letter. In the letter I can send to you more than the photos.

So I see this pattern of poor english and email addresses from yahoo and have come to the conclusion that these may not be girls at all, but very well could be a guy or guys sitting behind a computer trying to get my email address to send me spam. That or people in Jackson, Mississippi actually speak and write like that. I just tried looking at the profiles of each user this morning, the above two "girls" are no longer members but the third one is still active.

Anticlimax

"I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend, I didn't bother with him"
- George Carlin

So clubbing last night was not at all what I expected it to be. The night began with my friend stopping by to pick me up. She had also brought her friend who was cute but also taller than me. Story of my life. We had a couple of drinks and left for the club. We couldn't get into the first club because of ID problems, so we headed for another club. And let me tell you, this club was the most dirtiest and scandalous club in the city. Young women dancing on the bar around poles and I don't even want to get into what the bathroom was like. This was definitely not my typical environment. So I was forced to drink more. I bought a round for my friend's friend and my friend's sister and myself (my friend doesn't like to drink). Then I found a nice wall and a seat next to it and I became a wallflower. Thank goodness everyone I came with got bored and we all left.

That was my night. I woke up this morning and realized I had tipped the girl giving us drinks, $8 which was a %100 tip. I felt like a clown with average sized feet. Good news is when I was searching for a quote today I came across this book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (Paperback). Story of my life minus the perks. I will be reading this soon.

Tickets to the Gun Show

"I just use my muscles as a conversation piece, like someone walking a cheetah down 42nd Street"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

As of last month I have been going to the gym regularly. My guns and abs have started showing but only if I stand at a certain distance from a mirror and catch the room light from a certain angle. Nevertheless they are there. The only problem with my abs are I can only see two of them on either side and one side is larger and higher up than the other side. I guess I don't have the right genes or I'm doing my crunches improperly.

I've gone to the gym off and on for the past 4-5 years, and every time I return I get intimidated by the guys there and by some of the "girls". There was this one girl who sat behind the front desk who always smiled and said hi to me and everyone else. I thought she was cute. Then just recently I saw her walking around and it turns out she is a couple of inches taller than me. My heart was crushed and I had to cross her of my list of potentials.

Anyways I've been invited to go clubbing to celebrate my friend's sister's graduation. I'm going to see what these babies(my muscles) can do and I'll update you tomorrow.

And the Winner is...

"For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green"
- Bob Hope, 1965 Academy Awards

Well I can't say I'm surprised, after all I did ask for the award. I'd like to take this time to thank PrImA who was nice enough to give it to me. Danke schön!

Having received this award I must tell you 10 things you don't know about me. So without further ado:

1. I'm a semi-hypochondriac
2. I have an older brother and a younger sister
3. I should have graduated a couple of years ago
4. I'm lazy when it comes to school work
5. I have a fear of bugs and spiders
6. I'm a Libra
7. I used to smoke
8. When it came time to pick teams in gym class I was the guy who was picked last :(
9. I can't cook
10. I can't speak my mother tongue; I somewhat understand it

Interacting with the Populace

“The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.”
- Douglas Engelbart

Having just started my blog I decided to visit other blogs to get an idea of how things work. I came across a blog entitled Secret Life of Tova Darling. In her most recent post she recounted an awkward childhood story and then invited other bloggers to take part and share some of their most awkward moments. So here is mine.

Back in 6th grade during a french lesson I sneezed and farted at the same time. The entire class turned their heads towards me and started laughing. Naturally I thought my life was ruined. I think I avoided further ridicule, from the girls anyway, because I was so quiet and innocent. That, or perhaps like Tova said, someone else's embarrassing moment overshadowed mine. Of course there are other more embarrassing moments, but most make me squirm at the thought of them.

A Little More About Me

"Think not I am what I appear" - Lord Byron

Age: 24
Height: 5'7
Weight: 123 lbs (55.7918615 kilograms)
Build: skinny (fast metabolism and poor eating habits)
Eye Color: dark brown
Skin Color: brown
Occupation: unemployed/university student
Hair Style: bald (male pattern baldness forced my hand)
Dress Style: casual; mostly sweats
Shoe Size: 9 (US/Canadian; nothing to brag about)

I know what your thinking, with stats like these why do I have trouble approaching woman. ;)